Q&A: Kristiane Helps Us Find Fulfillment Through Anxiety With ‘I Miss Myself, Sometimes’

 

☆ BY KAITLYN CAMPBELL ☆

Photos By Carina Allen

 
 

I HAVE A THEORY ABOUT CALIFORNIA WRITERS — they’re always beautifully poetic. From Joan Didion to John Steinbeck, California writers love to relish in language and flirt with robust, lush imagery to unveil crushingly beautiful truths. In high school, my professor always told me if I was ever to write a story, it needed to both sting yet sing. Kristiane writes such stories. Her new EP, I Miss Myself, Sometimes, highlights her anxieties and grief while providing support for the future.

Kristiane grew up surrounded by an incredible woman: her grandma. Throughout her childhood, she watched her grandma sing jazz in the Los Angeles cabaret circuits. Performing in her 70s, Kristiane’s grandma taught her that music was a source of love and joy; that anything can be solved with singing some Elvis on the piano. Not only a music lover, Kristiane has a soft spot for movies. She says her favorite film is The Royal Tenenbaums, and that she loves movies that give heart. Something we have in common is that we both love to watch Lady Bird and cry.

The rare thing about I Miss Myself, Sometimes is that it’s a fully realized EP. Listening to it from beginning to end, it creates a plot line of a person’s maturation through conquering their fears by accepting who they are. With poignant lyrics and lofty vocals, I Miss Myself, Sometimes is already at the top of my playlist.

I had the privilege of sitting down and talking to Kristiane about the EP, our love/hate relationship with Los Angeles, and how to deal with abandonment.

LUNA: I feel like on social media right now, there’s a movement to push perfection with how we show our lives. Living in Los Angeles, my Instagram feed is always saturated with my friend’s successes, and it’s hard to not get imposter syndrome in that environment. How do you deal with the anxiety of feeling not enough or behind?

KRISTIANE: I think a lot of it came with age and maturing. I got to a point in college where I was writing songs every day in the practice rooms, and I fell in love again with the way music makes me feel. I know it sounds cheesy, but music makes me feel so whole and gives me such a genuine and unfiltered joy. When you do something you love, the internal pressure of “having to make it” lessens because success becomes redefined. Success is getting up in the morning and knowing I get to make music today. 

LUNA: Congrats on your EP! Can you tell me the story behind it?

KRISTIANE: Essentially it all started from a DM. I found my future manager on Instagram — like you find everyone nowadays — and sent her videos of me singing on Photo Booth to see if she’d be interested in working with me. After that, I wrote what would be a song on the EP,  “Wish I Could Be Your Girl,” which the incredible Jesse Munsat produced. I released it with no expectations and, to my surprise, it was put on a popular Spotify playlist. Suddenly, almost overnight I was talking to labels after 10 years of hard work. It’s insane, because I never felt I would never get the privilege to get mentorship under a label. “Wish I Could Be Your Girl'' has such a cathartic feel because it was the catalyst for the entire album. The EP centers around unraveling my fears and talking to my audience about feeling okay with your insecurities. 

LUNA: Listening to the album, I find that you develop such a gentleness for the way you talk to yourself as the EP progresses. What helped with that?

KRISTIANE: Therapy. This EP was such a blurb of my anxiety and fears that it really made me look at how I treat myself. It’s okay to be insecure. It’s okay to be a human. Maybe I’ll always struggle with depression for the rest of my life, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be a fulfilled person.

LUNA: Coming from a creative writing background, did any books fuel your EP?

KRISTIANE: Joan Didion has always been a huge inspiration to me since I’m from Los Angeles. The Year of Magical Thinking — if you haven’t read it you should — is about her journey with grief. While my EP isn’t about grief of another person, it is about grief of one’s self. I’m mourning who I used to be and mourning that I wasn’t kinder to my past self. 

LUNA: When I was going through your music journal about your song “Home,” I saw you writing about the fear of losing a partner. I also share this fear. I find that not a lot of people talk about the time during a relationship — only the longing before or the pain after. As human beings we have such a fear of the end, because we are always aware that we have an end. How did you grapple with that in the EP?

KRISTIANE: My boyfriend and I have been together for over three years, and it’s still something I struggle with. “Home” is really special to me. It’s about how we’ve built a home together, but I’m still self-sabotaging [by] asking the question, “Am I this person you want to call home?” But also other questions arise like, “Can I cultivate a home? Are you going to change your mind?” It’s so human. It’s hard to trust people, but I’ve chosen self-love and to be at peace. I’m okay [with being] with myself. 

LUNA: If you want one person to take something away from the EP what is it?

KRISTIANE: You’re not alone.

LUNA: Can you talk to me about some of your music videos?

KRISTIANE: I’m very inspired by visuals in movies. I love diving into the aesthetics behind music, because it really brings life to a project. “Home” was blue. “Something to Miss” was pink. “Better on Your Own” was yellow. I have a very clear vision. My favorite music video is “Wish I Could Be Your Girl,” because I filmed it rogue with my twin sister, my boyfriend, and his best friend. It felt like such a magical day. 

LUNA: What are you looking forward to in 2022?

KRISTIANE: I’m excited to release my new music. It has such an organic progression from my last album. Outside of music, I’m excited to spend time with the people I love, walk outside in the sunshine, and eat candy.

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Q&A, MusicThe Luna Collectivemusic, Kristiane