Q&A: fanclubwallet Embraces Her Emotions on ‘You Have Got To Be Kidding Me’
MAKING MUSIC BECAUSE IT’S HEALING — Hannah Judge penned her first song during a stint in college to express how awful she felt there.
“I was so depressed, and I wrote this song called ‘School Sucks’ with my old band,” she describes. “And immediately I thought, ‘Wow, this makes me feel a lot better.’”
Since then, Judge has written music on her most adverse experiences, including a breakup, a 10-month Crohn's disease flare-up, and, now, a pandemic. On her debut album as fanclubwallet, Judge continues to embrace her emotions and reflect on life’s extremes. With poignant lyricism and stunning production from childhood friend and collaborator Michael Watson, You Have Got To Be Kidding Me documents the unpleasantness of the last two years. But the journey through the past is worthwhile — it’s chaotic, sometimes joyous, and nothing short of cathartic.
A punchy guitar riff on “Gr8 Timing!” is as bold as Judge herself, as she sings about a breakup with someone who seemed a lot nicer than they were. On a less upbeat track such as “Toast,” Judge voices the regression she’s felt, singing, “I haven’t learnt a thing all damn year / It doesn’t really matter since I disappeared.”
“[The album is] early 20s, figuring yourself out,” she explains. “An identity crisis is a good way to sum that feeling up.”
After a recent tour with Thomas Headon and a slot at SXSW, Judge is still processing her new role as a musician. Read below to learn more about Judge’s debut album, You Have Got To Be Kidding Me and how making music has changed her life.
LUNA: When did making music start to feel like a meaningful outlet?
JUDGE: Honestly, right away. The first song I ever wrote with lyrics was in university and I was just rotting away in my dorm room. I had the dorm room all to myself with no roommates. I was so depressed, and I wrote this song called “School Sucks” with my old band. And immediately I thought, “Wow, this makes me feel a lot better because I'm singing about how I'm feeling. Maybe someone can take something away from this. Maybe someone else thinks school sucks.”
LUNA: Now on your debut album, what period of your life do you capture?
JUDGE: It’s early 20s, figuring yourself out. I was coming out of lockdown and I was not sick anymore, leaving the house for the first time in a long time. I'm 22 now, and the last time I was out and about I was 19. So who am I now? An identity crisis is a good way to sum that feeling up.
LUNA: I feel like we all went through an identity crisis, but it’s great that we can all create art to describe our individual experiences. You Have Got To Be Kidding Me as a title feels so unique to fanclubwallet. How did you land on that?
JUDGE: I was thinking either that or Can I Catch A Break or something. I'm always writing about unpleasant experiences. My partner is always like, “When are you going to write a love song?” And I'm like, “Never.” I’m thinking, “God, I'm still writing about things that happened ages ago.” Maybe I'm not even upset anymore. But stuff happens enough that I can write like a whole album. “Ah, you have to be kidding me — this again?!”
LUNA: Do you feel like you have to tap into a past version of yourself or an old experience?
JUDGE: I used to drive around Ottawa and be like, “Woe is me.” I remember when that sad thing happened, but that was when I was in college. Now I don't feel so viscerally depressed. It's more like something I tap into because writing the music is enough of an outlet that I don't need to be sad all the time.
LUNA: You won't write a love song, but what do you want to explore in the future?
JUDGE: I don't know how to write a love song about a person because I feel like it will just come out so sappy. But there's a song on the album, “Coming Over,'' and it's about the house I grew up in. There's a line, “I don't know her like how you know her now.” That's me saying I don't know my house like how the person that lives there now knows it.
LUNA: Is the album a compilation of songs that you were holding on to? Or did you write them with the intention of making a debut album?
JUDGE: “Coming Over'' I wrote before the EP came out. A few of them were definitely written with the intention to make an album. I ended up making a lot more sad songs for this album than I thought I was going to. I set out like, “I'm going to make an album full of bangers.” And now like half of them are really sad, which was not my intention. I'm glad it ended up that way.
LUNA: Sad bangers. I think they work together. What are you hoping people will take away from this album and fanclubwallet?
JUDGE: I want people to feel like it's okay to question themselves and to feel their emotions to the fullest extent. It's okay to be kind of crazy sometimes. Whatever you're upset about — it sounds so lovely to say it gets better, but it does.
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